Have recently assumed a leadership post 18months into corporate. I would like to see the ins and outs in leadership.

My perspective shifted after spending a decade in the working world. I used to believe that work equals life. But now I know work is just part of life.

For years, I let myself be defined by achievements at work. But deep down, I know this is not sustainable. I am more than my job. The truth settle in slowly especially after I’ve been through a career change and had to say goodbye to my mentor.

(Shoutout to Earnest).

There was this lady who spoke about self awareness, or discovery of who we are. It brought me back to the days during Milestones. The leadership program I joined.

Then she asked – “I am a _______ person.” Fill in the black, she says.

The only words came into my mind was

“I am a powerful, joyful, and open person”

That’s who I want to be.

She paused on the word powerful.

I realize I was craving for power.

Not the kind that crushes others, but the quiet kind. The kind that lets you decide your own path. The kind that lets you stand firm when you know what you want.

Then she asked, “If the blank had to be an animal, what would you be?”

Elephant, I said.

“Why an elephant?” she asked. “Why not an owl?”

It made me pause.

Does this really work? Can an animal represent subconsciously of who I am? or who I think I am?

Later, over beer, I told her,

“I want to be powerful because I want to be able to make decisions – and I know I can.”

I was the youngest and the only girl at home with three elder brothers. Every time I wanted something, I had to convince five other people in the family. I was, and have been obeying most decisions, but not this time..

It’s funny. I never thought I was someone who interested in power. But looking back, it seems like I was searching for power all along.

I wasn’t aiming to control others, or climb ladders. But the kind where lets me make decision and move forward without need to convince everyone.

So you stomp out of your house and never looked back huh.

I laughed.